Could you please help me revise this composition tonight according to the professor’s comments?​

Could you please help me revise this composition tonight according to the professor’s comments?

This is a good beginning to your essay. But you need to make this more about yourself or your family. How has racial inequality affected you and your family. Have you benefited from these structures? you should balance your personal story and what you learn from this inequality and how is this effect your future in some way.